Two Years After Radiation and I'm Still Tired

June 18, 2009

It's been a little over a year since I've made a blog entry, which is odd because not a day goes by that I don't think about the possibility of breast cancer recurrence. It was a lot easier to find something humorous about my ordeal as I was experiencing it, but now it doesn't seem so funny anymore.

My life has definitely changed since I was first diagnosed with breast cancer in August 2006. Prior to that date I was dancing the Argentine Tango 4-5 times a week, doing yoga, skinny dipping and drinking gin and tonics on a friend's yacht, cooking gourmet dinners for friends, and camping in the Central Oregon Cascades with my family. I was in tune with my sexuality, running two businesses and pretty much enjoying life. My hair was thick and curly and my body, slim. Just four months before the BC I ended a relationship with a two-time loser-- a bad boy sociopath whose charm, good looks and Mensa intellect had drawn me in like a moth to a flame.

Some breast cancer survivors say their lives have changed for the better. I would have to ask them to define "better". My life has definitely changed-- some parts good, some not.

I stopped dancing because my balance is a little off and I tire easily. My hair grew back, but it's not as thick as it used to be. I've gained about 10 pounds-- an unfortunate side-effect of the aromatase inhibitor I take daily to reduce the risk of recurrence. I have absolutely no libido-- in fact I'd rather eat Moonstruck chocolate than have sex with Brad Pitt (should the opportunity present itself). Instead of being out in the field producing travel videos I am sitting in front of my computer staring at a monitor.

It's not all bad, don't get me wrong. I recently found a long-lost uncle through Google Search and have started working on a family tree with my former husband's cousin. The three of us are now living together in a charming craftsman style bungalow in Portland's exclusive West Hills neighborhood. It feels good to be somewhat settled again surrounded by my things.

One of the drawbacks about living with two men is that my diet has changed for the worse and my peace and quiet and privacy have all but disappeared. I no longer eat a bowl of cereal with fruit in the morning and a salad for dinner. Now it's steak, pork, chicken-- meat, meat, meat and football and basketball dominate the TV, which is blaring seven nights a week.

On a positive note, the three of us have joined a fancy fitness center and I've started taking yoga classes again. One of these days I'll hopefully regain my balance and core strength and can start doing the things that I love.