I no longer care if everyone likes me so I’ve learned to say no. And guess what? It’s easier than you think. I’ve found that I don’t even have to give an excuse. When people find out that I have had breast cancer they assume that my reason for saying no has something to do with that. Let them assume!
I know that people with negative attitudes are toxic and I no longer believe that I, the good mother and healer of the universe, can fix them. They suck out my life force by using up my valuable time and infiltrating my mind and heart with poisonous words and thoughts—and that it doesn’t matter how much time and energy I give them, they’re not ever going to change.
I no longer view men as a means to escape the reality of everyday life, but rather now as an important contribution to my very precious life. Bad boys and fixer-uppers are gone forever to allow room for the real men. I know that all of the good ones aren’t taken. There must be at least one or two out there.
I also discovered that black is not a healing color and when I wear it, my face looks gaunt and colorless. It was a difficult realization because most of my wardrobe is black. I wear it because it’s artsy and sophisticated and also because it’s easy to mix and match outfits when everything is the same color. So my friend and personal shopper, Holly, took me shopping for some new clothes that are in my “tone”. She picked out browns and oranges and lime greens (except for two sexy “man-catching” black dresses that she insisted I buy, even though they’re not my color). I packed away my pink lipstick and gray eyeliner and now wear sunny shades of brown, rust and bronze.
You know what? It’s working. I am beginning to feel almost normal again—actually, better than normal. I see a whole new life ahead of me and I’m brimming with excitement and anticipation about what the future holds. I’ve been given another chance—a new life—a new way to experience the world around me.
To everyone who contributed to my healing process during the surgeries, the chemotherapy, and the radiation-- I LOVE YOU. You helped make the journey easier and more tolerable and I’ll forever be indebted to you.
I especially want to thank my sons—Lance, for being with me during my first chemo treatment and driving me to all of my oncology appointments and chemo treatments, for paying attention to whatever Dr. Leimert said when I couldn’t, for paying for my procit injections, for packing and moving my belongings and for helping me deal with some difficult things—and Sean, for his unconditional love and concern and for being there for me when I woke up from surgery, and for packing and moving my belongings.
And thanks to my dear sister and best friend, Diane, for being with me during both of my surgeries and first visit to my surgeon’s office, for being with me during my first chemo treatment, for taking notes during my first oncology appointment, and for staying overnight after each of my chemotherapy treatments. I owe her big time for cleaning up the mess when I hurled across the room after my first chemo treatment and for not complaining about it (true sisterly love). I also want to thank Diane (and Lance) for watching me give myself the first Neupogen injection to make sure I did it right, for helping to pay for the expensive injections and pitching in to buy me a sexy stylish wig, for helping me pack boxes when I was exhausted and weak, for laughing and crying with me, and most of all, for putting up with all of my late-night phone calls when I was scared to death and didn’t know who else to call.
And a big bear hug to my brother, Mark, for being with me during my first surgery, for regrettably treating me to a rich sauce-laden French dinner following my first chemo treatment (the reason I hurled), for the naturopathic healing medicine that I took during chemo, and for the special gift that he slipped inside one of the grocery bags that he delivered when I was confined at home with pneumonia. And a very special thanks to my sister-in-law and friend, Kym, for believing in me and always being there for me. I couldn’t have done it without her.
Heartfelt gratitude to my good friend and savior, Norm, who helped me pack and move, gave me encouragement and support and, most importantly, made me laugh and feel halfway normal when I was feeling like an alien. Thanks to Dan, for helping me pack boxes and to Jim, who provided me with a space for my video tapes. And thanks to Doug, for hauling a truckload of video tapes to the dump. Thank you to a very special friend who made it possible for me to attend my high school reunion just before my breast cancer surgery and for keeping it a secret. Thank you Marisa and Terry for paying for one series of Neupogen injections and Julia, Sharon, Seamus and Marisa again for buying me the “hot” red wig and for helping me pack and seal boxes. And thanks again to my Irish “baby brother”, Seamus, for staying with my granddaughters when I was rushed to the hospital, and for providing me shelter whenever I needed it.
And a very special thanks to my granddaughters, Opal and Violet, for their love, warm hugs, concern for my well-being, and for staying calm and helping me during the 911 call. I am especially proud of them for continuing to support breast cancer research through donations and by educating themselves about breast cancer and spreading the word to others.
Thanks to my friend and “sister” Victoria, whose frequent phone calls during my breast cancer treatment gave me encouragement and hope when I needed it the most. A special thanks to Patrice, hairdresser extraordinaire, for cutting and coloring my hair before chemo and for shaving my head during chemo before my hair started falling out, and for using her hairdresser’s license to buy my wigs wholesale. Thanks to Justin and Claudia for my “Italian” birthday party—sunbeams in the midst of the storm. Thank you, Jerry, for showing me how to forgive and for being a part of my life again-- and thank you, Kathryn, for making it possible. Thank you, Muffie, for everything! You are the best! Thank you, Chris, for your love and support and for giving me the opportunity to create a new life. A big hug to my new friend and activity buddy, Vic, who has helped make my life fun again.
Thanks to all of my friends and family who supported me and other breast cancer survivors in the Race for the Cure— Lance, Violet, Charmaine, Diane, Marisa, Dylan, Hillary, Kym, Julia, Deanna, Jan, Pam, Linda, Richard, Vic and Karen, plus many others. And thanks to everyone who prayed for me and who were there for me in spirit—Karen and Ari, Alicia and Daniel, Takafumi, Ted, Walter, Sandy, Aunt Ginny, Patti and Madonna, Victoria, Jacques, John, Ron, Hugh, Michael, Kim, Kathleen, Lloyd, Tony, Ann, Allen and Marianne, Zac, Lisa, Maynard, Roger, Waylon and Melissa, Cory and Katie, Chad and Jennifer, Wayne, Rod, Gayle, George, Don, Yoko, Kris, Jackie, Audrey, Leslie, John and Aimee, Harvey and Vicky, Barbara, and Holly. If I missed anyone, I’m sorry. Here's a big THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart.
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